What is A Dry Drunk?

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. This post is based on my experiences with the intention of formulating my thoughts into a coherent essay and, hopefully, to start a dialogue with others about this.



According to a Google search the definition of drunk is "affected by alcohol to the extent of losing control of one's faculties or behavior". This definition seems obvious- drunk is when one drinks too much and dry is when one is sober. However, what then is a dry drunk? A dry drunk is someone who is not actively drinking/drugging but has the same thoughts, feelings and actions as an alcoholic.



People who are not addicts/alcoholics do not believe drugs or alcohol will solve their problems. For most, the thought does not cross their minds. Dry drunks feel alcohol/drugs is a solution to living  a content life. If one is not currently using any substance, but finds comfort in the thought that if only they did they will be at peace, their issues solved and live a good life, it is very likely this person is a dry drunk.



In Alcoholics Anonymous they mention the concept of "RID" (restless, irritable and discontent) to describe those who are living without using but are not doing what is "suggested" (a.k.a. required) to maintain a peaceful, sober life. These people often end up falling into the hellish cycle of addiction.

Would you blame them? How long can one go feeling so much "RID" and deal with life on life's terms? Eventually, this dry drunk will turn to what makes sense to him to cure those uncomfortable feeling within- drugs/alcohol.



Before one ever becomes a diagnosed alcoholic or drug addict, they plan to use. I remember when I was 17 drinking a cocktail at a family event. The feelings of being ugly, weird, less than, and lonely disappeared. The sky was so blue. I looked like a fashion queen. I could not stop smiling. I was funny. Right then I planned that when I was on my own one day, I would drink this every morning so that every day would be great. I had found my solution! I drank and drank that evening and do not remember the rest of the night. It was years until I became a round the clock drinker. A depressed alcoholic who needed the drink to not be sick. In between the time I planned my drinking career and become an alcoholic, I was a dry drunk. Many try therapists, religion, relationships, food, career, acupuncture and more to get rid of that feeling they feel in their gut. A hole in their chest that can not be filled. Many describe feeling a void they can not shake off, perpetual unhappiness and an obsession or craving for something- anything- to get rid of "this".



Dry drunks who acknowledge they are potential problem drinkers or drug users may feel uncomfortable seeking help or going to AA meetings. They may feel that they do not belong. Feelings are not facts. If they are restless, irritable and discontent and are obsessed with the idea of drugs/alcohol as a solution they are no different than any other alcoholic/addict.



In conclusion, dry drunks have the same thoughts and tendencies as alcoholics/addicts before they relapse. It is only a matter of time until the dry drunk crosses the line and becomes a drunk. There is so much pain in suffering an addiction. It is best to get support and help if you feel you are heading there. Remember, rock bottom is when you stop digging.

Why A/A Meetings Work In A Nutshell

(Note: I am sure other meetings such as N/A and others work the same way, however I am most familiar with A/A so I am basing my thoughts off my A/A meetings.)

There are four dimensions to the mind: perception, thoughts, behavior and affect.
Perception is the strongest influence and affect is the weakest.

 Perception is how you view the world, make connections between events and comprehend what is around you. Based on your perception, you have thoughts. For example, if someone reads your text and does not reply for a couple hours, and you perceive that to be rude, you will think, "What a rude a$s bi#!h!"

Thoughts cause actions. If we continue with the same example, your action may be to delete the person from social media or ignore when the response finally does come through.

Actions trigger emotions, which to continue with the same example, may trigger anger, jealousy or sadness.

Now, if I told you, your friend did not reply because he/she was in a car accident and is in the hospital in critical condition, your perception changes. Instead of thinking of the person as rude, you think about how sorry you are that that happened to them. Your action may be to give a call or go visit. Your emotions will be of concern or pity.

Perception changes the domino effect. Addicts and Alcoholics have an "action" (behavior) problem because our perception and thoughts are inaccurate.
Meetings help put our perspective back in reality, thereby changing our thoughts to be more positive and accurate which changes our actions and then feelings.

Distorted Thinking Part 5

This part is about,"jumping to conclusions."  Jumping to conclusions is when you make a negative interpretation even though there are no facts to support your conclusion. This causes me distress. If I don't hear from a friend for awhile I conclude,"She doesn't want to talk to me anymore." It makes me sad, makes me isolate and makes me hate people- and what for?! I need to realize this is a distorted thought! I called a friend I hadn't heard from in awhile, and who I assumed did not want to be in contact. We had a great conversation. She misses me very much, and thinks about me. She had been to busy to pick up the phone, and was grateful I called. So, I sat with that resentment for awhile because of a false conclusion.
So crazy.
 
(source: http://www.changethethought.com/tag/sculpture/)

Do you ever find yourself jumping to conclusions or am I a total nut?

Note On Step 4

I am on Step 4 now. I find it hard finding my part, in the resentments I still hold towards others. Some things (such as abuse) were completely not my fault. My sponsor said your part can be that you are still holding onto this resentment, and letting it affect your life!

It is taking me awhile to complete this step. It is bringing up a lot of ugly feelings. I can't wait to be rid of them!

Dear Me

Even after all the treatment and therapy I had, I still struggle with self worth. I feel undeserving of love and life. I hate when these negative thoughts and feelings overwhelm my mind. I read an article where they wrote I should write a letter to myself as if a compassionate and kind friends was writing it. Here goes,

Hi!
I heard you're feeling kind of blue. Depression is one evil motherf$!*?r
I just want to say that you are a great person, you help your friends when they are struggling, you care about people. You are needed in this world girl. You have a lot to offer, you already helped so many people and you know it, do I need to write a list? Even just by being you, you inspire others. (Remember J said she wishes she was always so upbeat/happy like you?) You appreciate art. You are a fantastic writer and have big dreams for the future. Wherever you go people fall in love with you.
Don't let yourself fall! Your thoughts are WRONG!
Okay? k great.
Love you!!
xoxoxo

Self Harm

I know this blog is about drug and alcohol addiction, but there is another form of addiction I suffered and feel like talking about today. I looked through my old e-mails and saw one I e-mailed to myself. "Why do I self harm? I am not even sure myself. I think here is why:

1. I take pleasure in  seeing my scars. It feels like they should be there.

2. I feel that I am used to, susceptible and meant to be abused.

3. To prove that I am not okay. I want the inside to look like the outside. I'm not fake.

4. I like to have a secret with myself that nobody knows, I get a high off planning when to do it..how to hide it etc.

5. I feel peaceful and relaxed when its over. Sometimes, I laugh."
I think I knew it was crazy, but was trying to make sense of it all. I could not imagine stopping to self harm. I did not know how. Here are my responses to myself now that I am recovered.

 I take pleasure in  seeing my scars. It feels like they should be there
 1. You will have scars from surgery (which now past) and other events that are memorable. You do not need to decide what marks should remain on your body. Feelings are not facts! 

I feel that I am used to, susceptible and meant to be abused.
2. G-d did not put people in this world to be abused. It's unfortunate it happens. A lot of bad things happen in the world. You are strong, smart and able to make a change based on your experiences. Look how many people you have helped already in your life.

 To prove that I am not okay. I want the inside to look like the outside. I'm not fake.
3. Okay, so let's find out why you are not okay, and what you are searching for. Scars will not help the situation. Use your words.

 I like to have a secret with myself that nobody knows, I get a high off planning when to do it..how to hide it etc
4. Your secrets keep you sick.

  I feel peaceful and relaxed when its over. Sometimes, I laugh.
5. That is immediate gratification. Afterwards, you feel even worse than before. It is a vicious cycle, that allows demons into your heart. Go to a meeting- you'll feel a way better relaxed.

Do you have an old journal, e-mails or even texts that you can look back on to see how much better you are now? Challenge your old thinking, it will help you help others who are still stuck in that dark place.

Distorted Thinking Part 4

 

The 4th distorted thinking behavior I learned is disqualifying the positive. This is when," You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences."
                                 
                               
(source: https://www.etsy.com/listing/183675245/french-vintage-postcard-a-boy-and-a-girl)

    In the past, when people gave me a compliment I dismissed it by thinking they're lying, just trying to be nice etc. When I accomplished something I said it "was no bid deal." I never let myself feel proud or say "thank you" and mean it.

Today at the meeting, the discussion was stigma of alcoholism and addiction. Many people shared experiences of people making nasty, uneducated comments to them. I remembered events where people said condescending things about addicts to me, not knowing I was one. I felt as if I was punched in the gut. I started thinking this disease is the worst possible thing, people are unkind and how can I live afraid for people to find out that I am an addict and an alcoholic.

I realized I was thinking only of the negative! There are so many beautiful things about recovery. I am stronger than most people who don't wake up every morning with demons on their shoulders. I am happy. I am accomplishing my goals. Who cares that some people judge, there are plenty who don't- look at everyone in the rooms! When I don't disqualify the positive, I feel lighter.

I hope, if you are reading this, that
1. You educate yourself about addiction
2. Notice if you disqualify the positive in situations in your life.